Sunday, April 14, 2013

Outside Forces

I almost have (had) myself talked into buying that motorhome.

Often times my internal battles in my own mind about what to do are more than enough for me. Throw in all of the outside forces telling me what to do and there's not much for me to do but shut down. It's too much.

All of my excitement from earlier tonight about maybe actually buying this motorhome and actually getting somewhere with a mobile lifestyle and eventually leaving the state has been completely drained by a friend of mine. An ex actually. We have such totally different views on life I really shouldn't put any stock in her opinions but the truth is I do, and she manages to get into the most vulnerable places of my plan and put doubt in my head. A plan that I have to convince myself is the way to go to begin with.  I wish I didn't have to steel myself up so much to protect myself from people that don't see life the same way I do. Whether real or imagined. Sometimes I think I put thoughts in my families minds that maybe they don't really think.

Good night.

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