Thursday, September 11, 2014

I'm Still Scared

There's a lot of things to be afraid of when you tell yourself you want to move into a motorhome.

For me, something that has been very difficult for me has been getting rid of my stuff. Forcing myself to go through stuff that has been in boxes for years. Being faced with things from my past that I've either really tried to ignore, or that have brought up memories that are more painful than I thought. That has been a scary process, that is still ongoing.

The fear of needing something down the road is big for me. Not trusting in the future to provide. There already have been a few instances of wishing I hadn't gotten rid of something because I suddenly had a use for it. Truth is, in the mess of boxes in storage I wouldn't have known where it was, if I even knew I still had it to begin with.

The constant nagging in the back of my head that knows I'm somewhat more talk than action keeps putting that little seed of doubt in my mind. Am I really going to do this thing? Or am I just forcing myself to deal with all of my STUFF for no reason? Wouldn't it be a lot easier to just sit on the couch, or go work at a job you hate? Stuff has value in my family. To throw stuff away kind of feels like I'm shunning my parents, or betraying them in some way. Weird.

I'm definitely afraid of failure since I'm trying to do this "all in". When I hit the road I don't want to have a storage unit. The unfortunate reality is that I won't be able to get rid of everything. I will have some boxes hanging out at my parents house, I'm sure. But I also want to get rid of the van, and my old travel trailer. When I hit the road, I want the only form of transportation I own to be the motorhome and a bicycle. That's a bit of commitment.  It'd make it that much more difficult to throw in the towel after a month and return to normal life.

(You might be aware that I've hit the road twice before with my travel trailer and returned after my temporary jobs ended. Both times I had a full storage unit and a ton of mental/emotional weight. I want to do it differently this time)

My absolute biggest fear is that I hit the road and have catastrophic engine failure. I don't know why. The options, should that happen, are limited. If possible, fix it. Worst case, tow it and sell it on the spot. Not much to it. Finances used to be a big part of this fear. Lately I have felt much better about it because (as I've mentioned earlier this year) I've been working on rebuilding my credit. I finally got approved for a credit card with a credit limit greater than a couple hundred dollars. So, should a worst case scenario happen I could use the credit card and limp along until I could figure out a new situation.

I've been working on the motorhome slowly but surely. I'll have an update about what I've been doing coming soon. It's getting pretty home-like in there.

No comments:

Post a Comment